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1. Repressive Authoritarian
2. Over protective
3. Reassuring & Supportive
4. Inconsistent
5. Irrelevant

The behavior and attitudes of parents towards their children are the most basic elements that determine the character and personality structure of the child.

We observe that one of the different reasons for the problems experienced by children may be due to the attitudes of the parents, and by working with the family on these attitudes, we have reached a solution in some behavioral changes observed in children.

You can evaluate which of the different parenting attitudes above you adopt by researching their contents.

We can see that mothers and fathers buy their children more toys than necessary and that they often complain about it.

Some parents may want to buy many toys for their child that they could not get as a child. Some parents, on the other hand, may buy toys at frequent intervals in order to feel a little better in their busy working life or because they cannot go against their children's insistent requests.

Undoubtedly; Toys are an indispensable tool for all children in terms of skill development, an indescribable support for child development, but as in many other subjects, children also need limits when it comes to buying toys.

By expressing clearly how often you can buy toys for your child, you can support your child to take the toy of his/her choice at the scheduled times after taking a determined attitude on this issue.

“My child is not eating at all.”

"He wouldn't care if he didn't eat all day."

"He won't eat all day unless I force him to eat." We can hear from many parents that some children are very picky in food, eat only one way, and are very reluctant to eat.

From infancy, children discover that they can influence and control their families by eating or not eating. By complicating things while eating, they can attract the attention of their families, and they may choose not to eat in response to the mother or father they are angry with.

Various suggestions for parents who have difficulties in this process;

- It is important that the child does not feel that his or her eating or not eating can affect the feelings of the parent.

-How much the child eats at home should not be on the agenda, the issue of food should not be talked about all the time, and parents should not display insistent attitudes about food.

- It is appropriate for all members of the family to sit at the table together, if possible, at mealtimes, and to serve a modest portion that the child can eat.

- The plate of the child who does not eat his meal is taken from the table at the end of the meal time and no alternative food is given until the next meal and the same attitude is displayed at the next meal, which will enable the child to gain awareness of the meal order at home and the determination of the parent.

- The child should be given the opportunity to feel hungry at home, and alternative options should not be created by giving small snacks because the child does not eat.

- It is not right for an adult in the house to insist that the child who gets up from the dinner table at meal time and resists eating, goes with a plate and eats a few more spoons.

In addition, it is extremely important to take care not to share with different people in areas where your child can hear that he is picky in food.

The concept of punishment is one of the methods that many families resort to in the process of finding solutions to the problems they experience with their children, but it is not an effective method.

For example; A child is drawing the table at home, and the family, who is disturbed by this situation, tells him that he cannot go to the park to punish the child. There is no connection between this behavior of the child and the punishment given by the family. This attitude may increase the child's aggression towards the family instead of extinguishing the behavior.

However, this child of the family; He should explain why he should not scratch the seats, give him a task in the process of cleaning the seats, and if the child displays the same behavior again, he should cut off his relationship with the paints for a while. In this way, the child takes responsibility for his behavior. At the same time, we can see that there is a sanction rather than punishment in this example and that there is a relationship between sanction and behavior.

• “This hyperactive kid hasn't been sitting still all day.”
• “Mine is so whiny that she cried all day at everything.”
• "We're so shy, ours doesn't talk to anyone."
• “Our boy is afraid of everything, he is a coward.”
• "She's so chatty that she won't shut up for a minute."

Most of the time, we encounter the labels of families about their children, similar to the sentences above, when they are with others. Although such sentences may seem very normal when the parents are talking, what kind of message these labels give to the children and how the child feels at that moment is what is really important.

The “label” made by the parent or the environment can become the identity of the child over time. Most of the time, with the attached labels, the development of the complained areas and other positive behaviors of the children is prevented.

It is important to remember that every child is different, may have different abilities and may behave in different ways.

It is important to focus on the child's behavior and the positives rather than attaching a general label to the child.

Parents who have had troubled communication processes with their parents, especially in their youth, can adopt the philosophy of "I am like a friend with my child" with all their good intentions, with the point of view that we should not cause these problems to our children.

However, there is equality in friendship. Parents, on the other hand, are not equal to their children, they are their parents. Maintaining balance is very important.

Just because parents aren't friends with their child doesn't mean being harsh, shouting, or getting angry. Parents are the people that children can seek refuge and help from when they need support. Parents should set limits that are appropriate for their children's age and development by allowing them to develop.

Trying to be friends with your child is a mistake. Children need the strong stance of their parents. Our children will have many friends throughout their lives, but they will have only one parent to guide them in their development.

• I'm with you.
• You are safe.
• I trust you.
• I believe you.
• I love you.
• You are precious.
• It's great that you finished what you started.
• Making mistakes doesn't change my love for you.
• Your body belongs to you.
• You decide.
• You have a solution.
• Your choices are important to me.
• I'm always here when you need it.
• I enjoy spending time with you.
• It's so much fun doing this with you.
• I know you work hard to achieve what you want.
• Your opinion is important to me.
• I'm ready to listen to you.
• I'm wondering what you're planning.

We know that the use of the word "no" by parents is not very effective for tiny bodies.

Instead, in discourses that offer inclusive, healthy boundaries and make them feel understood, families are heard more and children can exhibit more cooperative attitudes.

-You can never watch this cartoon again.

“This cartoon makes you nervous. I want you to be safe away from this.”

- Enough of the junk food you ate today. It's over, you can't eat any more.

“We consumed a lot of sugar today. What ice cream should we get you next time?”

-Enough, how many minutes is this? Hurry, we're leaving.

“You had so much fun here today. You don't want to leave here, but now it's time to go. How about taking the subway on your way back? “

-Leave the tablet in your hand right away, you were always in front of it today, enough is enough.

“You have a lot of fun when you're on the tablet, but there's been enough screen time today. What would you like to watch on screen time tomorrow? “

-Don't play with your food anymore, that plate will run out quickly.

"I guess you don't want to eat any more, so I'm lifting your plate."

-No, you can't have dessert now.

“I know you want sweet food so much right now, you can have your dessert after dinner.”

-Don't touch him.

“You want to touch the lamp, how about exploring and examining it together? “

-From whom did you learn these words? I will never hear it again.

“These words sound different to you, but I cannot let you use them because they may hurt others.”

-Why do you keep pulling?

“I think there's something you want to tell me. When we touch someone, we touch gently”

“NO TO MOTHERS AND FATHERS”

In order for our children to become adults who can easily express their own needs in the future, we must give them the right to say 'no' today.

We see that they use the word 'no' much more frequently, especially in some developmental periods. Of course, it is not easy for parents to balance this process, to set limits and to give them the opportunity to express their feelings and thoughts by saying 'no'.

It is worth trying in this process, remembering that the first place where children will use the word "no" is the home environment, setting reliable boundaries by making them feel understood as a parent, and giving them the right to say "no".

• Encourage imaginary play, knowing that imaginative play enables the child to acquire independent behavior and freedom of action.

• It should provide a variety of rich accessories and models for imaginary play. It should constantly add new tools and equipment for imaginary games to the playgrounds. It should make them as attractive as possible.

• Allow children to freely use all corners for imaginative play. Usually children play in house and block corner. The child should use every corner of the house with the desire for imaginary play and the energy that does not fit into its container. It should provide the necessary assistance in terms of materials.

• Children put themselves in someone else's shoes and use objects in place of other objects in imaginary games. They need to monitor these processes and listen carefully to the conversations children have. This allows the child to get to know closely.

• Children should recognize and reinforce when they describe an object or environment using gestures, words and sounds.

• Adults should participate respectfully when inviting children to pretend play. It should be very careful that all the proposed ideas fit the conditions of the child's play. All his suggestions should be based on the ideas of the children, not their own. In addition, the adult should respect the positive and negative reactions of children to their suggestions.

• Adults should address the person portrayed by the child rather than the child playing. In this way, the child sees the importance of his imaginary game and understands the value of the game better.